streeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssss

This weekend has not been terribly wonderful. I have been a killer bitch to my boyfriend and I won't be surprised if he never wants to see me again. I have a presentation tomorrow and a paper due Tuesday which I know I can get through, no problem. It's the rest of the week I am flipping out about. Wed and Thurs are empty but I have two exams and a paper to do on/by Friday. I have a feeling that my bitchiness will not subside. It's 4:30 on Sunday, I want to watch football and cuddle with Adam to make sure he knows I don't truly hate him, but I have to finish this damned powerpoint. Gah! Oh well, the sooner I get it done, the sooner I can go be with him. Hopefully he doesn't hate me...I'm bitchy because of PMS and because I can't help but think about the fact that I have to go home in a week and a half. :( Going home is NOT what's bothering me. Going home for 2 1/2 weeks is what's bothering me. I have to spend New Year's Eve at home and I want nothing more than to be with Adam. I know Amber will want to go out, but if I can't be out with Adam, I'm not going out at all... but I know he doesn't feel the same way. I know he and Kevin are already talking about going into Boston to hit the clubs and ring in the New Year the right way (since they're both legal and all). I'm so afraid that he will get drunk and spend the whole night checking out "hot" girls with Kevin. What if he meets the girl of his dreams on NYE? What if he calls me while I'm at home and breaks up with me for good? What if he realizes once and for all that he's too good for me? I just want to change everything and come back to spend it with him. I realized on Friday morning how much I love him and how I can't stand the thought of spending a single day without him. That's why I am so worried about him going out on NYE. I want him to stay at home with Kevin, have a few beers, and play Madden or something -- but I can't tell him that. DAMNIT, why do I have to be so FUCKING self conscious. In my mind, I will never be good enough for anyone; there will always be some girl better. I fear every day that Adam will find the other girl. :'( Now that I am crying, I think I will go work on my WOST presentation...

horrible

Today was what I would call an interesting day that got off to a HORRIBLE start... Last night, I went out with Nicole for Chinese to play catch up which was cool and I re-organized my dorm room (again). No mention of why it was horrible, just that everything is better now. :) ~~sigh~~ I love my sweetie. Now I have my airfare to go home which I am both happy and sad about. I get to see my sissy and my Amber, but I have to go for 2 1/2 weeks without seeing my baby... So sad. :'( Tomorrow will be good! PARTY in Boston. Yay. Goodnight moon. I am going down cellar to watch a movie with Adam, Kevin, and Jeff. Song du jour:NewsongThe Christmas ShoesIt was almost Christmas time, there I stood in another lineTryin' to buy that last gift or two, not really in the Christmas moodStanding right in front of me was a little boy waiting anxiouslyPacing 'round like little boys doAnd in his hands he held a pair of shoes His clothes were worn and old, he was dirty from head to toeAnd when it came his time to payI couldn't believe what I heard him say Chorus:Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, pleaseIt's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her sizeCould you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much timeYou see she's been sick for quite a whileAnd I know these shoes would make her smileAnd I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight He counted pennies for what seemed like yearsThen the cashier said, "Son, there's not enough here"He searched his pockets franticallyThen he turned and he looked at meHe said Mama made Christmas good at our houseThough most years she just did withoutTell me Sir, what am I going to do,Somehow I've got to buy her these Christmas shoes So I laid the money down, I just had to help him out I'll never forget the look on his face when he saidMama's gonna look so great Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, pleaseIt's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her sizeCould you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much timeYou see she's been sick for quite a whileAnd I know these shoes would make her smileAnd I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight Bridge:I knew I'd caught a glimpse of heaven's loveAs he thanked me and ran outI knew that God had sent that little boyTo remind me just what Christmas is all about Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, pleaseIt's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her sizeCould you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much timeYou see she's been sick for quite a whileAnd I know these shoes would make her smileAnd I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight

better

Okay, so I'm feeling a bit better...Today is done (almost), three days of classes to go. My presentation went relatively well (I noticed everyone, including the professor, took notes at one point or another) and, while I was concerned I wouldn't go on long enough, that DAMNED buzzer cut me off. Here's my new list:Thu- research, work on papers, hit the road with Nicole for some catch-up around 9 or so.Fri- lunch and dinner at Nan and Gramps' house, research, work on papers, blow off some steam with the guysSat- research, work on papers, party in Boston with AdamSun- research, work on papers, finish presentation, football, cards with Nan and GrampsMon- school with Adam, WOST 311 lunch, final 311 class, final Urban Politics class, finish Ethics paperTues- final Bio class, turn in Ethics paper (due by 4:30), work on 311 paperWed- study Biotech and Urban PoliticsThu- Study Bio and Urban Pol, finish 311 paperFri- Bio exam 8:30a, Urban Pol exam 1:30p, 311 paper due by 4:30FRI NIGHT (12/16)- DIE of relief!!! Ahhhhhh... all done with my 5th semester of college!! :)After 4:30 next Friday, I don't know what I am going to do!! Other than fall into my baby's arms and never wanna leave. Okay, off to lay in bed and relieve my migraine before I work any more.

i'm offended

So yeah... lately I have been trying really hard to spend more time with my friends and boyfriend together. Right before Halloween, I invited Allegra and Sarah to come to CT with Adam, Kevin, and I. They came, we had a BLAST... at least I did! So then a few weeks ago, Allegra had a party in her room. I brought Adam, Kevin, and Jeff to the party. Allegra and I got pretty drunk, we kissed a few times. She and Kevin (also very drunk) kissed more than a few times. Anywhoo, she's hosting a late night porn party tomorrow. I emailed her to make sure everything was on for Fri and mentioned the guys, who I was under the impression that I could invite. Big mistake. Apparently, she "had a couple of people mention specifically kevin and co. as making them uncomfortable. I'm sure Adam would be ok." Well, I don't know which is worse, the fact that they feel uncomfortable by a big bumbling guy who's less harmful than a kitten or the fact that they're okay talking about my friends behind my back. I'm so hurt by the thought of what could have been said that I can't even go to Beebe for dinner tonight because I don't want to face them. I'd rather starve than risk breaking down again. This is a really bad time for this shit. This week I am REALLY stressed about school, I'm PMSing, I had horrendous dreams last n ight aboout Adam's other girlfriend, and now I have to put up with this bullshit from the people who I thought were my friends. Oh well... teaches me right for trying to devote time to friends and love. I made plans to hang out with the guys and I'm not ditching them for a croup of caddy, back talking girls who might decide to say I make them feel uncomfortable next time around.

eek

All I want is for tomorrow to be over!! Get the presentation for Ethics done and I will be a happy puppy! Just heard a song that I <3 and it made me want to cry, so I thought I'd share. :( Rascal FlatsSkin (Sarabeth)Sara Beth is scared to deathTo hear what the doctor will sayShe hasn't been well, since the day that she fellAnd the bruise just won't go awaySo she sits and she waits with her mother and dadAnd flips through an old magazineTill the nurse with the smile stands in the doorAnd says will you please come with meSara Beth is scared to deathCause the doctor just told her the newsBetween the red cells and white, something's not rightBut we're gonna take care of youSix chances in ten, it won't come back againWith the therapy we're gonna tryIt's just been approved, it's the strongest there isAnd I think that we caught it in timeAnd Sara Beth closes her eyes.Chorus:And she dreams she's dancingAround and around without any caresAnd her very first love is holding her closeAnd a soft wind is blowing her hairSara Beth is scared to deathAs she sits holding her momCause it would be a mistake for someone to takeA bald headed girl to the promFor just this morning, right here on her pillowWas the cruelest of any surpriseAnd she cried when she gathered it all in her handsThe proof that she couldn't denyAnd Sara Beth closes her eyesChorus:And she dreams she's dancingAround and around without any caresAnd her very first love is holding her closeAnd a soft wind is blowing her hairBridgeIt's quarter to seven, that boy's at the doorAnd her daddy ushers him inAnd when he takes off his capThey all start to cryCause this morning where his hair had all beenSoftly she touches just skinAnd they go dancing, around and aroundWithout any caresAnd her very first true love is holding her closeAnd for a moment she isn't scaredwow!! Okay, so I presented my abstract to my prof and she read it and DIDN'T RESPOND TO ME!!! Grrrrrrr... oh well. Leaving work in a few to see my sweetie pie and get my nails done (I HOPE) since he has no homework for tomorrow. Ahhhh...

ahhhhh

Didn't get to post all weekend, but it was a grrrrrreat weekend. White Christmas was wonderful even though I was elbowing Adam half the night to keep him awake and laughing at Matt b/c he was dozing off. This week is hella stressful for me. I killed myslef last night to finish my Biotech paper (which was 9 pages... and only supposed to be 5) and all I want to do is relax now. But... I have a presentation in class on Thursday. Research today, House Council tonight, work tomorrow morning. I'll see my baby tomorrow afternoon (and maybe convince him to take me to get my nails done), see Nan and Gramps, have dinner with the DiFonzos and relax for a little while. Friday night = late night porn party, Sat night = party at Adrienne's and dragging my honey to the Commons to look at Christmas lights, and Sunday will be crunch time (as I have a paper due Monday and a presentation in ANOTHER class. Then 3 days of no classes before finals. In other words, KILL ME!! Nah, it's really not that bad. I have my sweetie to help me through all the stress. He should be giving a presentation in Philosophy right about now, and I hope he's doing well. <3.

Whew

Yay! Mrs. DiFonzo LOVED her present! The pillow was a big hit and it's already out on display. She was so happy with it. Yay! So last night I had dinner with Mr. and Mrs. D (and Adam, of course) and then Matt came over to give mum her presents from he and Adrienne. It was a great night and I got hours of cuddle time with my baby! :) I am looking forward to this weekend so much. Going in to Boston for White Christmas, spending the WHOLE weekend with my baby relaxing and then getting ready to wind back up for finals. /sigh\ I am so luck to have a guy like him! I <3 my baby.